


Everything To Me

by thingyoudowiththatthing



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, canon angstiness, low selfworth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-11 18:59:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13530567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingyoudowiththatthing/pseuds/thingyoudowiththatthing
Summary: This is an older fic reposted from tumblr. I am moving some of my stuff over here and this one made the cut :) This one is inspired by  Say it Right by Nelly Futado





	Everything To Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is an older fic reposted from tumblr. I am moving some of my stuff over here and this one made the cut :) This one is inspired by Say it Right by Nelly Futado

Castiel had managed to sneak away from the others and he found himself wandering the halls of the bunker. He felt alone. It wasn’t like Lucifer had been the best “roommate,” but he hadn’t been alone in his own head for a long time. For a long time he had not had to think about himself or how lost he felt. How at fault he was for everything that had happened to the world. To the Winchesters. To Dean.

Somehow that was where Castiel found himself. In Dean’s room. He had not thought about where he was heading – he had just been walking. Guilt ridden and scared for the world. He had yet again failed. He had let Lucifer in and still the world was ending. He had thought he could be useful for once but again he had failed. Just like he had failed at everything else he had attempted since he rescued Dean from hell.

It was no wonder Dean didn’t see Castiel the way he saw Dean. All he did was to fail. He hadn’t been able to help Dean and Sam stop Lucifer the first time around and when he had freed Sam from the cage he had left a piece of him behind. He had been foolish enough to think he could led heaven but all he had done was to devastate it and create chaos on earth by thinking freeing the Leviathan but not before he had let them corrupt his mind. He had broken the wall in Sam’s head and almost killed him and if that wasn’t enough he had for a long time refused to own up to his mistakes or even try and fix them. His penitence in purgatory was cut short by Naomi who he had also let poison his mind and he had almost killed Dean. Worse than that he had not trusted him. He had let Metatron fool him and the angels had been cast from heaven and once more he ran. He had assisted Sam in freeing the Darkness even though he should have known better but what hurt Castiel must about that decision was even though he knew how it all would turn out he would do it again.

If they hadn’t he would have been the one to watch Dean turn. He would have been the one that had to watch him murder the world knowing he could do nothing about it. It was not that he didn’t have the power or that the other angels didn’t have the power. Dean could have been locked away. Have been kept safely hidden away for all eternity – it was that he couldn’t do it to him. No matter what had happened – no matter what Dean would have become he knew he could never hurt him.

Just as Castiel thought back on Rowena’s curse and how the Winchesters once again had helped him while he remained powerless and not strong enough to fight the witch’s power on his own Dean walked into the room behind him. Castiel hadn’t heard his footsteps but he felt his longing as he got closer and Castiel turned around to greet him with an apologetic look on his face.

“I’m sorry Dean… I didn’t mean too… I know this is your room and I….” Castiel desperately tried to find the words to explain himself without telling Dean the real reason he had unconsciously wandered into his room. This was here he felt the closest to Dean. This was where he felt the safest.

Castiel drew a sigh of relief when Dean just smiled at him, “It’s okay Cas. I don’t mind.” Castiel watched his friend’s expression change slightly as he took a step closer. Was he nervous?

“Cas how are you feeling buddy?”

“I’m fine Dean,” Castiel lied but he didn’t want to burden Dean with his guilt. Besides he didn’t even know where to begin. How to apologize for all the things he had done.

“Okay,” Dean kept searching Castiel’s face clearly not buying what the angel was trying to sell but he seemed to be willing to let it go for now. Instead he slowly took another step closer to Castiel as he slowly began speaking as if he was weighing his every word.

“Cas I am not pissed… I am really not but… I need you to make me understand why you did it?”

Dean’s eyes found Castiel’s confused blue ones, “I did what Dean?”

“You said yes to the devil man! I mean we went to hell to save Sam and we did… but you… why did you do it? We could have gotten out the three of us?” Cas knew Dean was fighting not to yell. To keep his voice calm and not let the anger he felt in him slip through.

“We needed him Dean… I thought he through me could defeat her. That I could help us win. You didn’t need me but you needed him and I couldn’t let him use Sam! Not again! Or you…” Castiel spoke the last two words lower but Dean still heard them and his eyes opened wide.

“Cas neither of us would have let him so why did you….” Dean began but Castiel interrupted him speaking a little louder this time.

“Because I am useless Dean! Worthless. I thought letting Lucifer use my vessel to defeat The Darkness was my role in this fight. I wanted to take a stand but once again I was wrong… I am sorry Dean…”

Castiel looked to the ground not sure what he expected Dean too do. Yell at him for being reckless and stupid maybe. Yell at him for not trusting him for not being strong enough to break through and warn him and his brother who was walking among them. Or maybe just leave. What he didn’t expect was Dean’s hand on his shoulder and the calmness and kindness in his voice.

“Cas you are not useless. You are not nothing to us. We need you. We have always needed you. I have always needed you,” Cas slowly looked up into Dean’s emerald green eyes and the man he cared for so deeply tenderly smiled at him.

“I get you are broken. We are all a little broken but next time you feel like nobody cares… useless or whatever. Just talk to me. You can’t blame yourself for everything that has gone wrong in the world Cas…”

Castiel sent Dean a careful smile, “but you do…”

Dean smiled back at him before he looked to the ground his hand still resting on Castiel’s shoulder, “yeah… I ain’t exactly someone you should aim to be like… All I am trying to say is… you are not nothing to be Cas… You could be everything to me if we just…”

Dean let his words trail out and Castiel’s eye opened wide. Was Dean really saying what he thought he was saying. Could he really love him the same was Castiel had always loved Dean?

“What are you saying Dean?” Castiel tried carefully as he desperately tried to understand the longing he felt from Dean. Was it more than just friendship? Could he finally be feeling what Castiel had felt for so long?

Dean’s eye slowly found Castiel’s and they stared at each other for a few seconds. Seconds that felt like minutes before Dean shut forward crashing his lips against Castiel almost knocking him over and completely taking his breath away.

Before Dean could pull away Castiel wrapped his arms around him not willing to let this moment end so quickly and Dean reciprocated by pulling the angel closer against him and running his tongue over Castiel’s lips silently asking for access to which the angel eagerly granted.

They stood like that for what felt like hours. Arms wrapped around each other and tongues dancing as they helped each other forget The Darkness and the world around them. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave feedback. It makes me happy and keeps me writing :D


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